Once a Nerdfighter

I counted myself a Nerdfighter for a very long time. Watched most of your videos. Engaged in some healthy discussions on your subreddits, played on the Nerdfighteria Minecraft server, followed most of the content creators you recommended, and even had plans on going to a local Nerdfighter meetup. I was hoping to go to a Vidcon some day, and loved the idea of meeting each of you because you are so great at reminding everyone to follow their dreams, and keep pushing to make things awesome, and make science and being nerdy seem amazing.

I haven’t felt like that in a while. In fact, over the last few months I’ve felt less and less like I’m accepted in Nerdfighter culture. Felt less like anyone could join, and more like it’s an exclusive club. One that wouldn’t want me.

Let me be clear, I’m fairly progressive. I went to my friends wedding (two women) because I loved them and wanted to see them complete their vows. I voted for gay marriage, and stand for equal rights for everyone. I have two daughters that have grown up to be awesome young women who care for themselves and their friends, and do what they feel to be right even when those around them may disagree.

That last part is really important; standing in the face of what you find to be wrong even if others around you disagree. You did that with decreasing world suck, right?

But lately I’ve been realizing that the world isn’t as black and white as everyone seems to want to paint it. Certain people would have us believe that certain groups are more oppressed, or at a disadvantage than others. The truth is we all have problems, and those problems are important to the person having them, even if others outside his point of view don’t see it. Or others might feel their problems are worse. Often we can’t see how easy we have it, and mental health might even hold us back because we can not see the good we have in our lives because we have been taught to focus on a specific bad thing, or see the world through a specific lens.

I have always wanted to help those in need, so when I started learning about the problems that effected people around me, including my son, my boyfriend, and a good friend with an abusive girlfriend, I started reading about the laws and regulations that gave them less opportunities than I had. I was understandably upset. Feminism was supposed to be about equality? Wasn’t it? How can an abuse victim be thrown in jail over and over again because his ex-girlfriend keeps stalking him, and beating him. (I saw her do it, and the worst he did was hold her arms to try and keep her from kicking and punching him. But they cops didn’t care, he was the guy and he went to jail.)

So I asked some of the feminists in my life, and there are always excuses. Men are stronger, bigger, they can handle jail better. Women are better at raising kids. And the illusive idea of “patriarchy.” I would have been okay with the explanations if they had simply addressed the problem at hand, a man who was in jail for being abused, instead of making excuses.

I want to decrease world suck for EVERYONE, not specific classes of people. If we agree with equality, and freedom of speech then it should be for everyone, even those we disagree with. Maybe especially those we disagree with. It isn’t as though the flat earth society getting up on a stage and preaching their ideas turns people into flat earthers. If it’s a bad idea shedding light on it is the very best way to show that.

What’s more, if a persons ideas and beliefs are so fragile that they have to shutter themselves away and keep from having an honest conversation with people who disagree, then that’s also a problem. You can’t simply say “they are mean to me” and ignore every good criticism of your work. What would happen to a scientists discovery if he did that? Truth should always be more important than our feelings.

And this brings us to yesterday. I’m not at Vidcon, but I was incredibly disappointed that Anita Sarkeesian was put in an anti-bullying panel. For years there have been many of us among the gaming community who have simply asked her to have a real conversation, and talk about the ideas she is putting out there, and she has refused. Perhaps she has been threatened, and gotten terrible tweets from people. So have we all at one point or another. But to ignore everyone who asks for a conversation, even those who haven’t said a bad word against her, is unconscionable. And the fact that she stood up in the middle of a panel and yelled insulting things at a person who was simply watching her panel is beyond disgusting. It didn’t matter who he was, or how she felt. He sat there and listened respectfully, even though he disagreed with her, and she called him garbage in front of everyone and got her fans to attack him.

She’s lied, stolen other peoples footage, broken laws, and claimed harassment for just criticizing her commentary, (It’s easy commentary to criticize. She obsessed over being unable to view Batman’s behind for an entire video, but didn’t bother to play the game to where you get new outfits and can see his behind very easily) as well as leading acts of harassment against those who disagree with her.

Then there is the fact that men are also harassed online, and offline. Yet whenever that is mentioned everyone says “we know, we’ll talk about that later.” When is later ever going to come? Men are more likely to die on the job, commit suicide, be thrown in jail, and loose custody of their children. But they are men, they don’t matter?

We all have problems. We all have things that hold us back that we have to overcome. Black, white, male, female, gay or strait, and all the rainbows in between. We all have problems, and trying to play the politics of “this group is more oppressed than this one” just neglects those who honestly need help. Why? Because they aren’t part of the exclusive groups that need protecting?

But this is all part of the echo chamber, and I expect I won’t hear from you…